The Layers Of Me

Good evening.

Let me share a little bit more about myself with you today.

Quite a few years ago, I used to be what they call a troubled teenager, constantly in trouble with my peers and the authorities.

I grew out of that phase because and only because of the support I received from my family and friends.

I moved on to another college after the exams and tried to make some sense of the world with a fresh start.

I only fully shook off the dust in late 2009. A phase of growing up that took me  from 2006 to 2009.

I took 4 years. 2 years to get up and accept my regrets as a part of me. 1 year to get accustomed to who I was supposed to be. 1 year to get settled into who I really am.

However, not everyone thought I would grow up from those years. There were people, although only a few, who doubted me, who derided me and a few who mocked me behind my back and rubbed me into the sand. Some of the few still do so. But to match those people were people who trusted me, encouraged me and gave me support in front, and behind me, picking me up when I fell, giving a  helping hand when I stumbled. And in contrast, they were always there. (Thank you)

The two groups of people made all the difference, all through these 4 years. One taught me that in life, we're not aiming for universal popularity and also that I should never be like them. Another group, the 2nd one, taught me how to appreciate, how to return, how to grow and how to walk on.

They taught me to aspire to be like them. Gracious. Warm. Forgiving. Able to see the potential in people.

That same group also let me realize something.

Lessons are not learnt until they are put into practice.

I'm not specifically talking about big lessons, or small lessons. Lessons are things you can put into practice at any time. Some require you to utilize them every moment. Some only arise at the big occasions. Still, I learnt that you can't simply go through something and say, I've learnt ______. Whether you've really learnt it or not is an issue for the future. At many occasions I thought I learnt, only to lapse back into 'idiot' mode, often with disastrous consequences.

And today, I think I have learnt my lessons from the past well. Because I fell hard, I had to bounce back even harder. And so I tried, and am still trying.

Because I am still far from perfect. Filled with flaws. I will never be perfect, and I fear, not anywhere near.

But I believe myself to be a far cry from the me of the past. That's something to be happy about, I guess. People close to me would know that.

Let's take the past 365 days for example.

I've not uttered a vulgarity in the past 200 or more days. I've not lost my temper in that same period of time. I read the bible for the first time. The same can be said of studying Buddhism. I found my life motto. I got closer than ever with my family and friends.

But in those same 365 days,

I made terrible mistakes that cost me deeply. I lost sight of my priorities at times. I didn't put in my utmost for my studies. Things I did without thinking lost me a friend or two.

Today, I have a newfound perspective on religion altogether. However, I am not about to discuss that here.

Still on me? I am slightly different to different people. It is not a good sign as it might smack a little of differential treatment, but it is also a sign of naturalness. It is a behaviour I am at ease with because I believe myself to be genuine still.

This is after all, a disguised post. It is a post of gratitude disguised as a reflection. A post of gratitude to the named group of people who were the best that they could be, and taught me to reach towards the same. My mum, dad, brother and friends. The people I've met in these 4 years.

I want to thank you. For everything you've given to my life. I seldom say thank you for everything. When I do, it is my way of extending my most sincere thanks. So thank you once again, for everything.

And lastly,

I will be there. In any way you want me to. I will be there. I will be there for you. So please call me if you need me. You can mail me if you need me too. I'm always there.

I'll live my life as a tribute to you guys. I'll do my best to put others before self.

I love you.